Why must I screen? / Screening makes me nervous.
I get it. You’re just starting to get to know me and you don’t want one bad decision to ruin your life.
Well, babes, same. That means I must know who you are.
Screening proves you are a consenting adult
Before you screen, I simply cannot know who I may be speaking with. Since anyone with a phone might contact me, screening confirms you’re a consenting adult and is unconditionally required to interact with me any further.
If you don’t tell me who you are, I cannot safely tell you anything about me not already published on my public website and ads, making our entire exchange redundant and pointless.
Screening is secure, discreet, and no threat to you
I did not build my business by posting detailed indiscretions on Twitter or TikTok. Like, come on. I have no incentive to blow up your spot with your spouse, partner, boss, or friends.
Both my livelihood and my liberty depends on your screening information and the many details of our time together remaining confidential, so I can assure you that I take great steps to ensure it always is. The more cooperation I have from you, the easier it is to keep our arrangements discreet.
Screening shows you’re serious
Like all relationships, the relationships that make up this business are based in mutual trust and reciprocal investment.
When you insist on being anonymous, you make me think you’re not serious about investing in this with me. Perhaps you’re just window shopping, or maybe you think you don’t need a consistent identity because you’ve pre-emptively decided we’ll only see each other “this one time.” While I have no problem with one-night stands or one-time clients, I also have no reason to prioritize them as I truly shine when we can get vulnerable and real with one another, even if only for a short time.
By refusing to screen, you come across as someone looking for a low-effort, low-reward hookup, not a serious client seeking a professional for an intentional encounter. In short, you’re telling me not to put any work into you.
Screening provides some assurance you are safe and responsible
I do understand why screening may make you feel anxious or even vulnerable. But the thought of spending time alone with me presumably doesn’t.
As you know, anonymity is often used as a shield by those who seek freedom from accountability or responsibility. So consider that, until we are physically acquainted, the thought of spending time alone with you—especially if you are trying to remain anonymous from me—may make me slightly anxious, but screening you doesn’t.
Screening is meant to feel asymmetrical because its purpose is to restore some balance to the way we start out.
The thing about balance is that it’s very comfortable. After all, what is grace if not extreme levels of balance? When one is subjected to massive nonerotic power imbalances, it’s hard to get comfortable. One can’t be as open. Getting naked feels intrusive or violating.
And no one wants that. Right?
If you are too nervous to screen, we will never meet. 🥲
Screening is easy and you can be done with it after your very first message to me.
